SCARS, my journey by Elizabeth Ruppert

How does one deal with multiple close calls, I mean close encounters with death. This is my story "SCARS", both the emotional and physical type. We all have scars, I pray that my story can be of help to you no matter where you are at on your journey. There is a God that cares for and loves you.


Where is God, does he care, why did he allow me to experience illness and suffering? What is his plan? What does he want from me? How long has it taken me to recover emotionally? The past several years of my life seem like a narrow and windy road travelled with sharp, sharp turns and steep, steep hills. After facing death multiple times many would question my sanity for still believing that there is a God who loves me and cares for me. I have experienced some dark, dark times and know that he has travelled this windy road with me, often carrying me. His love for me is without question. My hope is in him.





I met my husband in November 1998 when I was 33 years old and we got married November 1999. Fast eh? I guess when you are a little older you have a better idea of what you are looking for. We were happy in our home, in a small quiet town. You could say life was going well for us. In 2003 after having a miscarriage in 2001 that left us crying out to God for his plan for us and being told that we would likely never conceive, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Seventeen months later I gave birth to a sweet baby girl. Everything seemed to be going well, I even felt well, but like my first birthing experience, my body did not heal fast. I am not a fast healer, which in itself is ironic considering the rapid healing I would soon experience. One day when our daughter was just 8 weeks old I developed flu like symptoms. Over a 3 day period this progressed to vomiting and diarrhea along with a sore red spot on my left leg and a high fever. At the time I felt concerned that I had a blood clot, but nothing more serious crossed my mind. I called telehealth the next morning (my 40thbirthday) and they told me to get to the hospital quickly. So I did and on the way there I prayed to God that there wouldn’t be a line up and there wasn’t, in fact I was in a room within 20 minutes, one of many ways we knew God was watching over us. This is when my life changed drastically. I remember the doctor coming in and while my husband was down the hall getting a drink, telling me he would have to cut my leg open on both sides to get the infection out and that he would have to leave the wound open for months. Why did he have to tell me this when I was alone, why couldn't he wait until my husband returned? How crude! I couldn't handle this news by myself. I remember feeling ripped off, why me, I had just experienced such joy, why did I have to experience this infection. I was very worried. I love the outdoors and the beach, would I be able to wear a bikini anymore…if only it were that simple. I realise now how much greater my concern should have been. I am glad though that the doctors only told me the basics or I would have been more of a mess. I was so dehydrated and glared at my husband each time he went for water as we waited for the surgery, the nurse kindly slipped me some ice and a lemon sponge. My husband cornered the doctor in the hallway and asked him point blank if I had flesh-eating disease. The doctor explained that he was in a hurry and did not have time for questions, but finally responded with a yes. If only the story ended there. It is at this point that I started what has become gap in my life, where I have to rely on others to tell fill me in on the scary journey I would embark on.


The next morning I was septic and went into cardiac arrest. God’s hand in this was obvious as He made sure that the doctors (the right doctors) were there by my side doing rounds…it took them an hour to fully resuscitate me. Following my admission, they had me in a drug induced coma for 4 weeks and during much of that period of time they didn’t know whether I would survive, in fact, they were doubtful, as they had detected that I had the worst kind of flesh-eating disease that there is…they also didn’t know how I would be mentally or physically…I easily could have been a vegetable. The mortality rate for this disease is 80-90%. God had other plans and after 9 surgeries to rid me of the disease and a lot of up and down days they decided I could move out of ICU and took me out of the coma. I was gradually taken off of every kind of machinery you can think of from pace-maker, to life support, to kidney dialysis, to tracheotomy, to feeding tube, I was then moved to another floor of the hospital. All this time my husband slept on a cot in a little closet of a room and he spent hours and hours with me holding my hand, rubbing my feet, and praying for me. The kids were well taken care of as well…my mother-in-law, sister and brother-in-law and their two kids moved into our home for the duration of my hospital stay. They took pictures and journelled as well as videotaped the kids regularly…I still cry whenever I think of the confusion it must have caused them, but I’m very grateful to my in-laws for uprooting their lives to take care of my kids. The feelings I have on this time are based what people tell me, not of what I experienced.


So as I slowly came to they discovered that I was of a sound mind the only issue remaining from the cardiac arrest was that my vision was doubling. Miraculously I survived this illness and all of my organs began working on their own again. After 8 weeks of hospital life they were going to transfer me to a local hospital geared towards the recovery of stroke victims which my husband felt would cause a setback for me and we asked the doctor if I could go home on a few day passes to see how I managed. I managed great, I could barely walk given my leg was basically straight, so my husband arranged for me to have a walker at home. After that test we talked to the doctor about perhaps going to a local physiotherapy clinic (which happened to be one that his office was affiliated with) and the therapist I suggested was a very successful therapist. So he let me go home also noting the incredible support I had from family and friends. Over the last 4 to 5 weeks of my hospital stay I was aware, but not really, I had still not grasped how close I had been to death. People ask me about this hospital experience and I how I felt, expecting that I would have a great deal of emotion, however I had little emotional connection, I had been traumatised and it would take me three years to reconnect with my feelings. I have feelings related to how awful this must have been for those close to me, but I have few personal experience feelings because of the severe emotional trauma I had experienced and because of the drug induced coma. I remember vague portions of conversation I had with people, but nothing detailed. I was and would be very robotic for some time.


Three years later after gruelling pain at physio and exercising at home 3 times a day I was able to bend my knee to full flexibility with some help. I had to take two percocet prior to going to physio which I went to 3 times per week for a long time to which I often left feeling a sense of accomplishment. To give you an idea of how much progress I made…when I started physio I was only able to bend my knee 35 degrees and by the end I was at 140 degrees. I had to endure the pain of the physiotherapist tearing through scar tissue. It only came out 3 years after starting that he actually had embellished about how far I was bending my knee to encourage me not to give up.. I slowly progressed from a walker/wheelchair, to a cane, to nothing…oh, how I remember those long slow walks around the block…then I went around twice. Not to mention how long it took me to be able to walk up and down the stairs. My goal had been to walk without a limp and I was successful, but oh the energy it took. I remember many a day I felt like giving up, it was all I could do to continue. Also, in with these struggles were adjusting to my vision impairment…which also slowly corrected itself over time…it’s still not perfect but the fact that I can drive is a miracle from God especially since the Ophthalmologist said to my Gynecologist that I would likely never drive again. Due to the fact that I had such severe damage to my optic nerve head while I arrested.. one of the most frustrating things about my vision loss is that I don’t recognise people, I tell people that if I don’t wave or smile at them when I see them, I’m not being rude, I just don’t recognise them. I’m still not sure if there was perhaps some brain damage done to the part of your brain that holds memory…oh well it could be a lot worse.


After 3 years it was like a light went off and the emotional fog I was in was lifting. The robotic and mechanical feelings were leaving. I was finally able to small talk with people again, this after 3 whole years!!! Expression and feeling were returning. Instead of just going through the motions and doing what people wanted me to do, or what I thought was expected of me, I was starting to feel like me again. I had ideas too. I could express myself. During this time I got through the lows, really by the support of my husband and his encouragement to be the best I could be after this disease had taken so much from me and our family. He pushed me hard. I don’t recall being bitter or angry at God. Reconnecting with my kids because of my emotional state was very challenging because of my lack of emotion and care. I had a strong will to recover physically but did not realise my emotional state and how it impacted my family. They were on their own to some degree.




Four years went by and I thought I was home free. Besides my family doctor said the chances of me getting flesh-eating disease again were one in a million. But on July 26th 2009 I wasn’t feeling well, my body suddenly started aching and I developed the chills. The morning of the 27th I nervously went to emergency and while travelling there I prayed to God that there wouldn’t be a line up and prayers were answered yet again…also with a quick look at my history I was seen by a doctor in no time. We got the news again that I was septic, cause unknown at that point. This time they saw a pocket of fluid in my abdomen so they opened me up again only to detect that it was a false alarm, in fact, I had strep pneumonia another fatal outcome was expected. However, again, God had other plans for me and after 2 ½ weeks (2 weeks in ICU) I was released. Back to learning how to walk again as I had been bed ridden for 2 weeks. I have to tell you about the hallucinations in ICU as well…they were awful! Absolutely real and very, very scary…to this day I can vividly remember them and can’t tell if they were real or not. My husband assures me that they were not real. The surgery was not a waste of time as they discovered that my spleen was shrivelled up…which is why I got so sick again. The spleen is critical to the immune system, it cleanses you from bacteria. To top it all off I ended up with a bad case of shingles..ouch…and itchy. To this day I have no feeling in the area where they were.


As a result of the discovery of my spleen, I underwent several blood tests and booster shots to get me as healthy and protected as possible. More good news came out of these tests…they determined that my body is holding onto antibodies which means I don’t have to give myself a needle every month for the rest of my life. It was also determined that my best defence against getting sick again was to carry some antibiotics in my purse along with a letter from my family doctor outlining exactly what to do with me so that they don’t even need to think.


Another year and a bit (fall 2010) went by and I ended up with chills again…this time no aching and sinutab seemed to help, however, my heart was beating at 140 beats per minute (normal is between 60 and 80). Once again I headed to emergency…I drove myself this time as I didn’t know how serious this was. I was terrified that I was going to end up in ICU again and experience the hallucinations. Thankfully, I was only admitted to emergency for three nights with pneumonia and a sinus infection. It wasn’t the worst place to be despite the uncomfortable bed, as I had a private room with a door on it and my own bathroom. They kept me there for a third night just to make sure I was responding to the oral antibiotics.


A month later I woke up in the middle of the night with severe pain in my stomach, I managed to endure it until the morning at which time we headed to emergency again. Several hours later I was told that I had twisted bowel likely due to my last surgery as the bowels can get caught up in the adhesions…you can imagine how upset I was when I figured out that I was going to be in the hospital over Christmas (2010)…especially when I had two young kids at home. God was in control as I was miraculously released on Christmas day only 2 ½ days after having major surgery…normally patients stay for 6 days after this type of surgery. Not only that, I was able to travel to Pittsburgh to celebrate my husband’s 40thbirthday only 2 weeks post op…praise the Lord!
I was hospitalized in the spring of 2013 for another infection and twice in 2014 (spring and fall) with severe stomach pain. I am still being tested to confirm why I am experiencing this pain, but it is one of the secondary issues one gets to look forward to when they have had so many surgeries.


Through all of this I have learned that God is in control and He has a plan for my life, only He knows the outcome and His timing is perfect. I am very grateful to know such a loving God and to have such a loving, caring and supportive husband, family, and friends. I truly couldn’t have gotten through this without them. I have been blessed to hear this verse from God, Psalm 23 ‘even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, your rod and staff they comfort me’.


It is through God’s grace that I’ve been saved so many times and His strength that shone through my husband…whom I am forever grateful to…he is my rock. As well as all of my family and friends, the support I received from them and my church family was overwhelming. To this day I feel forever indebted.