Anxiety and depression

Anxiety and depression can be like a steep spiraling staircase into a dark place of despair and uncertainty. One can be rumbling down the road of life and all of a sudden be struck by these pesty demons that mess with our thoughts and moods.
What are the trigger points, it could be anything from some thing significant to something less or even something silly.
In my case I have always been a more tightly wound person and have always been more anxious and in need of control. Things like waterskiing where the driver has control did not thrill me, while I enjoyed dirt biking and three wheeling because I was in control.
Anxiety took a sharp turn in my life after my wife was very ill with flesh eating disease and near death. The after math involved a long recovery and many twists and turns. At one point my body screamed at me with the symptom of a skin crawling anxious feeling. Medication dulled the symptom and provided relief for a while but did not provide me with a longer term solution, such as how to deal with my emotions more effectively. Exercise proved to be a great thing to turn to as it provided a release point, however health and back issues have limited this.
Anxiety took another sharp turn in 2011 when  I was diagnosed with cancer. The uncertainty took over leaving me raging with anxiety. Again I turned to anxiety medication, but it backfired and left me more anxious. As it turned out that medication has a lifespan and then it begins to work the reverse making one more anxious. Exercise proved challenging with the chemo treatments and |I turned to a physiatrist who in his words "started to peel back the onion and help me feel". Talking things out and blogging proved very helpful along with eventually returning to exercise and weaning from medication.
Here I am now at a crossroads with anxiety yet again. What is the root cause? Certainly past trauma's of continued health challenges in our house are a culprit, but what triggered it. I have ongoing back challenges which are easy to connect with cancer, although the specialist stated that I can be assured that it is not because my last tests (CT scan) were very good. However the ongoing back issues combined with past traumas and work pressures including self imposed targets have allowed anxiety to rear its ugly head again. My analytical mind sometimes gets me in trouble. Anxiety (and depression) can really impact how ones feels physically and can put one in a hamster wheel type spin cycle. I try to fend it off by reading verses, praying, exercising as able, revisiting the physiatrist and going back on meds, but so far the fight is at a deadlock with each of us winning a few rounds and no one the winner. At times I feel like I am fighting a monster with a pebble, but I have to remind myself that God is on my side as he was in the story of David and Goliath.
Does my struggle make me weak, a Christian lacking in faith or does this make me a human who falls short and needs help. As the dark clouds roll in and anxiety and depression rain what seems like hail at times, how can I respond when my thoughts are consumed. I often turn to this verse;
Philippians 4:8New International Version (NIV)
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
From my experience with anxiety and depression, it is important to keep fighting, to not give in and to keep trying to think pure thoughts, keep things simple, try to stay in the moment, be thankful, talk out emotions, exercise if possible, pray, read the Psalms that are full of emotions and come from writers who appear to have struggled emotionally, let God know my feelings and frustrations and to keep my supporters a small group that I can trust.
Anxiety and depression can be like any other old injury that reoccurs. Just like an ankle once sprained can be easier to reinjure, emotional hurts I find can be similar. A healthy emotional state is hard to maintain in this broken world with so many pressures, but one that I believe God wants for all of us.


Perhaps my story will help someone else with a similar plight.


Let Go and Let God......easy to say, but not always easy to do.