Soon I will go for another chemo treatment. This is a journey I started in December 2011 and will be on until May 2014 when God willing I will have my last chemo treatment for a while.
Medically speaking my Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma is like a wild animal that will always be lurking in the back ground. It is not curable, but they hope to manage it over a long period of time.
The spiritual side of this journey has been to learn to trust God with the unknown and the known, the unknown being when will the cancer come out of the woods like a wild animal and attack again.
Slowly this lesson has been sinking in, although many times I find myself very fragile, in a pool of pity rather than giving thanks to my Great God for what I do have and trusting him with the rest. I feel like it is a test that at times I have failed miserably at and at other times I feel like I am slowly learning it.......very slowly.
Like any difficult journey can do, I have been exposed to many learning's in this one and thank God for the blessing of drawing near to him.
I am also thankful for the provision of health through out the process. Many have remarked at how good I appear physically, which has been a huge blessing and something we pleaded with God about. We had prayed that our kids would not have to see me too sick just yet. I never in my wildest dreams anticipated how challenging the journey would be mentally and emotionally, how lonely I would feel, how chemo can affect ones mind, etc. The downside of coming through it with no real obvious physical deficiency is that people typically only observe the obvious and without me looking ill, the expectation of many has been that I am fine even when inside I have deeply struggled at times.
I have learned that God truly is my only steady and certain source of strength, peace and grace and to train my eyes on him, or I will falter miserably.......I have long been at the end of my own strength.
Hillsong United - All I Need Is You
I Surrender - Hillsong Live (Cornerstone New 2012 DVD Album) Lyrics
Prayers that you may trust one step at a time...just read this verse. John 16:33 - These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
ReplyDeleteThank-you for sharing and reminding us to pray.
Thanks so much for your continued prayers and encouragement.
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