It's been 4 years since I was diagnosed with non Hodgkin's lymphoma. It has been a journey of ups and downs. I learned that God is ever faithful, that Chemo is nasty, that friendships change, that its ok to speak openly to God about my anxiety's, that I am more prone to be anxious about what's next than to live in the moment and revel in the good things such as my remission and my wife's recent good health. The latter has been more of a struggle for me of late, with me being a person who is more apt to see the glass 1/2 empty than 1/2 full, more apt to worry than enjoy. At times this has robbed me of joy and in some sense, I think has displayed a rude attitude towards God's goodness to me.
Recently I heard of someone who passed away, he had entered treatment at the same time as me for the exact same cancer. I have heard of others who have also been less fortunate. This is something I experienced when my wife was ill as well and watched many carried out on the dreaded red gurney, while she was spared. Perhaps this has left me with some sort of guilt feeling, why has God spared us. What is his plan for us as he continues to give us the tools to persevere.
Resting in the palm of his hand is not easy for a control freak with anxiety tendencies, but I know that's what he wants. I know he want me to place the future in his capable hands. Some verses precious to me are;
Matthew 6:25-34New International Version (NIV)
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Philippians 4:8New International Version (NIV)
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
You raise me up - young Chinese boy and girl
Westlife - You Raise Me Up
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