I am not the perfect christian

How burdened are you with being the perfect Christian, with always doing and saying the right thing? Do you often feel burdened to say encouraging things, pray a certain way, read the bible a certain amount? How's it working for ya? Do you feel buried by a huge heap of expectations that you will never live up to? Is it squeezing the enjoyment out of you?

To a degree we all have a bit of Pharisee in us both in what we expect of ourselves and others. Remember they were the rule followers in the bible.

The older I get the more I understand why the greatest command is love. It is so central to all things good such as forgiving and accepting. God accepts that we won't be perfect until heaven and loves us anyway. I believe he wants us to try but not so much on our own effort.

If we love him and allow him to work in us, then it his effort, his work, not our human striving. If we cry out in faith, it is his strength. If we trust in all things, it is his doing. So why do we strive so hard on our own when we have a God who wants to be our everything?

Romans 3:23 (http://www.biblegateway.com)

New International Version (NIV)

²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Will our kids question "the loving God"?

I suppose we all have our fears about our kids. We wonder how they interact at school and what they are being taught. After all in some senses they are raised by other people. They spend the day at school and only a few impressionable hours at home. We hope that they are hanging with the right crowd and making good friends.

There are signals of course, signals and signs of what they are being taught, of what is being impressed on them. Sometimes our kids are singing songs that I can assure you we don't sing here or they let words slip that they heard at school.

Those few hours we have with them are so precious and important. It's our opportunity to guide them and impress good habits on them.

One of my fears for our kids is there view of God. How will they view a loving God that in their sort lives of 8 and 9 years has allowed their mommy to battle with illness and experience a number of very close calls with death? What do they think of a God who allowed our family to get in a bad accident? How is there picture of God formed with the knowledge that their dad has cancer?

Information can always be handled in multiple ways. In our house, with our experiences, it's important for us and for our kids to focus more on how God has delivered us rather than the hard times we have encountered. Satan would have us focus on the negatives. He wants to choke out our happiness and any ideal we have that God is loving. Despite the challenges we know that we have a God that works in the details, a God that has journeyed with us and often carried us.

It's become important for us and for our kids to train ourselves to focus on God's goodness.

Proverbs 22:6 (http://www.biblegateway.com)

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Problems can be like a subbmission chokehold...

Problems, Depression, Anxiety, they can be like a choke hold waiting for you to say mercy or I surrender.

As a kid I loved to wrestle, it;s something my 4 brothers and I liked. On Saturday afternoons we would watch wrestling on TV. My only sister and our Dad loved it too. A scrappy nature is in our genes. My grandfather really enjoyed boxing.

When wrestling you would try to put the opponent in a submission hold where they would finally say, I surrender or mercy.

I think sometimes that this is how Satan works. He piles on the pressure, perhaps its a buildup of struggles ranging from finances, death, illness, marital and parenting challenges, guilt of falling short, etc. and like a big wrestler sitting on you, he wants you to say, I give up. He is relentless and is everywhere and in everything. He is like a scrappy hockey player trash talking you and bating you into frustration to limit your effectiveness.

This week at my weekly phsyciatrist session my counsellor talked to me about living in the moment. I am sitting there thinking, ya right. How am I supposed live in the moment and not look back, right or left? This is what it feels like God is trying to teach our house though, to set our sights on Him, to focus on Him, to not be crushed by the past and to leave the future with Him. It;s not easy and I constantly find my mind going astray. This is when I have to reign in my thoughts. Sometimes I can do this through deep breathing, sometimes by simply saying to myself I am not going there, sometimes by reading verses I have stashed here and there, sometimes by praying and other times through faith. I have to make the right choice. I have to focus on how God has delivered us rather than on disappointments. It sounds a lot easier than it is!!

"Grace heals emotions. Forgiveness heals relationships. Trust heals fear. Without them, ongoing hurt makes you bitter, not better." -RW

There are lots of verses in the bible that talk about dealing with fears, but I am learning that it takes a great deal of faith to realize on their promises.

Matthew 6:25-34 (http://www.biblegateway.com/)

New International Version (NIV)
Do Not Worry

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

What are these verses with out faith? It takes faith to believe in God's provision.

Kari Jobe - The more I seek You

David Crowder (Hoedown) I Saw The Light / I'll Fly Away



 

An unforgiving ride.....

Sometimes rides hurt!!

I remember when I was 17 a few of us went to Porto Rico on a work/mission trip. While there we were strongly encouraged to go to a natural water slide. This was a slide down a stream over rocks. At the time I was a bony/skinny kid. The ride hurt all the way down. There was no option, but to keep going though. You couldn't get off. At the bottom was a refreshing pool of water. The person who recommended it had a lot more padding than I. Go figure!!

That's the way life feels sometimes, it hurts, but ya can't get off the ride. Ya gotta keep going. At the end or perhaps during a break in the trek is a refresh stop. Perhaps its a time of peace, perhaps its a time when the lesson God wants you to learn hits home and you feel blessed by it. Possibly its an encouraging word.

During our rides God is always there, he is always faithful and will not forsake us, "Not for a moment"

Not For A Moment (After All) - Meredith Andrews

One day if we have accepted him as our personal Savior we will enjoy an everlasting place of peace. Until then we bump along clinging to his promises. We can opt to find our own solutions from chaos, but they usually lead to more. That doesn't seem to stop us from trying though.

Elizabeth health update Apr 18/13

Today, only 2 days after being admitted my special girl was released from the hospital. We are trending in the right direction for these bacterial infections, we have gone from hospital stays of 2 months in 2005, to 2-1/2 weeks in 2009, to 4 days in 2010 to 2 days in 2013. We have learned what the symptoms are and how to react and are very thankful for Gods guiding hand and the support of his people. While it is disheartening to not have any real explanation this time for what my girl had, her white cell count, heart rate and temperature all suggested something more serious than a viral/flu type illness. This is by far not the first time the doctors have been stumped with my special girl.

I believe that God is faithful, both in the good and the ugly times and he has certainly been that to us. These experiences are hard for each of us in our family of 4, they bring back horrible memories and the mountain of uncertainty feels overwhelming at times. It is very challenging not to be paranoid, each time we get comfortable it feels like we have a reoccurance. Our kids have been amazing, they love their mother dearly, but show their emotions differently. One simply bawled when talking to their mommy on the phone yesterday. Despite the uncertainty and the challenges posed, it has brought us closer.

We don't know where our journey will take us over the next months, years and decades, but we do know that we have a God that is with us through all things. We know that he accepts us whether we are hurting or happy.

We value your continued prayers, for us these experiences which have impacted ever facet of our lives, have been challenging and sometimes to the point of overwhelming.

Thanks again for your support.

Kari Jobe Healer

April 17 - Eliz health update

Today my special girl (wife) still had some symptoms, so the medical staff elected to keep her at the hospital. She is feeling much better. Hopefully she will be released tomorrow. Thanks so much for your ongoing support. We continue to value your prayers. Each one in our family experiences the health uncertainty differently.

In Gods hands, the Rupperts

Elizabeth health update April 16/13

My wife's health has been good since her last hospitalisation in 2011. Today we hit a bump in the road. She was admitted for the fourth time for a bacterial infection. They basically throw heavy antibiotics at her and hope for the best. They don't know the cause of these infections. We try to be grateful in all things and are certainly grateful for Gods guiding hand today. We could see it in the way we were whisked through the initial process to the testing being done quickly, etc. At this point the infection appears under control and my wife's vitals are approaching normal. For example her heart rate was 138 this morning and 90 tonight. If all goes well she may be released tomorrow.

Its hard sometimes not to let bitterness enter in, to not be angry and to continue trusting God. On one hand we have received deliverance so many times, on the other hand these experiences leave deep scars on many different levels. Health stuff has brought a lot of uncertainty to our home and forced our kids to face things I didn't face till much later in life. It feels like Satan's attack is relentless. I can feel him at work in my life in my emotions, anxiety issues and anger. Sometimes it feels like he just won't relent and I feel so powerless. Even as I thought of Gods goodness today, Satan was right there voicing his opinion. He has used these events in every way imaginable to try and pry me/us away from a God I/we love, to come between us, to render us useless. We would value your continued prayers for strength, peace, the freedom to be real, to mourn and to hurt, for joy and increased faith.

In the end God will prevail. he doesn't want to bring us harm. Our world is fallen because we chose a damn apple over enjoying Gods provision, pretty silly eh!! One day we will get a second chance at perfection.

In the meantime may God somehow use each of us to further his kingdom.

Lord please continue your work in our broken lives, amen.

How do I fit, where do I fit?

Have you ever wondered what your purpose is or what is the purpose of what you are experiencing?

I have, many times. Many times I have reflected and thought of my life as a puzzle piece. God seems to want to take me as a puzzle piece and in his perfect timing fit me and my experiences where they most honour him.

He has changed the shape of my puzzle piece many times. Due to my experiences my puzzle piece fits if you will or relates to others who have experienced such things as health crisis, losing a parent at a young age, marital breakups, financial woes, being a widow (my mom), etc. Would I understand these things or relate to them otherwise, "NO"!

My children are having there puzzle pieces shaped, perhaps they would say they fit with or relate to kids whose parents have suffered from illness.

I don't always like my puzzle piece and I don't always care to fit figuratively speaking as that last piece required to complete the puzzle, or even the first piece to start it. Do I always want to use my experiences for my saviours glory, "NO"! Do I sometimes wish I could take myself away and start as a brand new piece free from the baggage I have accumulated "YES".

The beauty of it all is that God is in control and the more I am willing to let him shape my piece and place me, as opposed to resist it, the more fulfilling my Christian walk is. God wants to shape and mold each of us and make us into a beautiful and colourful work. It hurts at times and its ok to hurt.

Am I willing, are you? Will I choose to interact and fit with the opportunities that God presents me today or will I pass them by? Will I lend a helping hand, offer a word of encouragement or am I keeping my puzzle piece entirely to myself? Am I an island or an integral part of a larger body/purpose?

Perhaps you are being shaped by a trial right now that seems too much to bear, he will use it if you are willing.

I SURRENDER ALL _ Michael W.Smith

All to Jesus I surrender

April 14 - 1 month after chemo (Scott)

How do I feel one month after a maintenance round of chemo, which I take every 3 months?

Its a journey for sure. Even today, at times I feel some tingling in my right hand, find it hard to focus, can't remember things, feel disoriented and feel like my emotions (mood) are off. These symptoms gradually lesson with each passing day and by the time I go for my next round, they will be at a dull roar. Possibly they are all exaggerated by my ongoing challenges with anxiety/depression which are worse during and after chemo.

Its taken time to accept my physical and mental limitations and to gain some understanding of how the process of treatment impacts me. Entering treatment in 2011 I had no idea what to expect. I have always been a fighter and someone who would throw himself at situations with reckless abandon. This is how I coped in the past. This is how I can no longer cope. I have some level of respect now if you want to call it that of how chemo affects me and of how life in general has impacted me. My treatment is kinda like having a scheduled bad flu 4 times a year (as opposed to every 3 weeks in 2012). Even now though with the lower frequency, I never really get to feeling great or like I used to. My physical and mental capacity isn't what it was. One of my learning's has been to try and keep a pretty low profile for at least the first month after chemo. If I have a curve thrown at me at work or in life in general, I just don't have the same capacity to deal with it. I tire quicker both physically and mentally and we all know what a tired person is like......you get it "irritable".

I imagine that drugs impact everyone differently, but I have always been a wimp with them. It doesn't matter if its a pain killer or sinutab, I just simply don't handle meds well. While chemo has been known to affect people physically in ways such as hair loss, for me it has had more of a mental impact. Again this could well be magnified by my anxiety/depression issues. A doctor I saw readily offered that of course chemo will have an impact on ones mental state, how could a poison entering your system to decrease the size of tumours, not have some impact on how you feel.

Its a humbling experience to feel like you just can't contribute the same as you used to or the way you would like. It's just another area that I have had to commit to God. My wife knows well how this is as she has had her vision impacted by a disease she didn't ask for. She knows well what it is like to look normal, have people expect normal, but not be able to always do normal. She is my inspiration, just a great person who has persevered through much.

Still I am very grateful for how it all has gone and for the well being that God has allowed me/us. As a Christian I know that he doesn't owe me anything.

Currently I am reading a book by DR Larry Crabb. He talks a lot about humans ongoing struggle to understand and deal with their feelings and experiences. It's been a good read for me.

Am I allowing God to heal me from the inside out or am I coping by suppressing, distracting or trying to be a better person/Christian? How are you coping? Am I real and authentic, are you?

Kari Jobe - The more I seek you (Lyrics)