March 15/3-2 days after chemo

First off, thanks for your support and thanks to those who have commented on this blog.

It's 2 days after treatment and the affects of chemo remain such as, a pressure type feeling in my kidney area, low energy, disoriented, difficulty processing, flush feeling and crusty (that's Scott speak for short fused and irritable).
We are playing monopoly and I am having trouble following the game. I take my boy to the movies and it's difficult to navigate the basic decisions, where to go, buying popcorn, etc. I should have known better, but sitting so close to a big screen with so much activity proved too overwhelming and I had to step out. My wife was not impressed when I told her I tried to correct my wooziness by eating 2 Kitkats......but they were good:):). My mature son was very good about it all.....he makes me so proud.

This is how it's been with chemo in my veins. It will be this way for likely a few weeks. It's quite humbling to feel like you just can't think, it's like thinking through a fog. It comes and goes some, but when your used to being brilliant it's hard....that's a joke:):). My work around.....at work I will review things meticulously to try and cover up for this shortcoming. I used to be a no breaks and short lunches kinda guy, but now I take them. When I can't follow something I will cover it up with humour. This is how I cope. It takes time to come to terms with ones limitations, to accept things for what they are and to trust in a God that I believe cares about every detail of my life. This I believe is this trials lesson for me, to Let go and Let God, not in just the big things but in all things, to allow him to be part of all the details of my life. It's been a 2 steps forward, one back, some times 1 forward, 3 back kinda lesson, but I am slowly getting it......that he wants to be front and centre in all that I do. I can't seem to function otherwise.

Last night we watched the movie courageous and I am challenged with being a better dad. Do I feel like taking my son to the movies, NO (Eliz and Kam are busy), but I do because I know that I need to try and be the best that I can be for my kids, I need to invest in them. In my mind I have a bucket list of things I need to do in what ever time I have left. It includes such things as walking my little and most precious daughter down the aisle, whether or not its on her actual wedding day. I will do it. The following is a clip from the movie "courageous" it's a resolution, a father's commitment. Perhaps it will speak to you as it did to me.

Courageous - The Father's Resolution (Scene)

My prayer today.......Lord God, thanks for working in me despite my many shortcomings, thanks for your patience and grace. Please help me to be real, to be authentic and to be less of me and more of you. I love you, amen.

Phil Collins - True Colors
ALL I NEED IS YOU