One day at a time......

I am now  a year and 3 months into my cancer journey, at least the known diagnosis of it.

Noticing lumps in unwanted places is not new to me, but this time it was cancer.

Its a very disconcerting thing to come across a lump or a sudden change, its like a blow that just knocks you right off your feet.

My first experience was as a young fella, maybe around 12. My neck and underarm lymph nodes were enlarged. The doctors diagnosis was stress, worry or something like that.

My second was a lump on my ankle which was a fat deposit later removed.

My 3rd was a lump on my leg, that I prayed about and it disappeared.

My fourth one was one on my back, which again was thought to be a fat deposit and has never amounted to anything. I remember noticing it before going to a youth group event. I was afraid.....I remember the leader asking me what was wrong...I was not myself.

My fifth was enlarged lymph nodes. I passed them off  as being what I had experienced as a kid. I remember looking on the Internet and discovering that enlarged lymph nodes in the groin area typically point to an infection or cancer. About 6 months after the original discovery and several tests, I received the feared diagnosis, "cancer", the very thing I had feared during each discovery.

Its been a tough thing to accept, a tough thing to wrap ones head around. Its like a large dark cloud that is always looming. Its hard to stay positive. Its hard to know how life should be lived.

For those of you out there who have found an unwanted spot or lump, etc., or have even been diagnosed with this dreadful disease or some other dreadful thing, I understand your anguish and the fear you may feel. I don't know exactly how you feel, but I understand.

Its hard to keep the faith, its hard not to be frustrated, angry, etc., its hard not to live in fear. Its hard to put a smile on for the sake of your kids, spouse and yourself. Its hard to feel like you are all alone with your own feelings of despair and uncertainty. Its hard not to fear for what may lay ahead. Its hard to live in the moment.

Yet after all the doubt and discouragement, I know that there is a God who has a plan, who wants to use my experiences for the furthering of his kingdom.

May we push on desiring to be a good stewards of the experiences, both good and hard that he has given us.

We rest our weary souls in this and the fact that due to our relationship with him, we will experience eternity with him, free from the problems of this sinful world.

We strive to live one day at a time, the way he asks us to. God is good.