death just sucks......it SUCKS!!

It really makes me think when someone dies, especially if they are young. As I get older it seems like sickness and death are all too common. A recent passing of a young women in the community really made me question what could be God's plan. This women left behind 3 young kids and a husband. What will become of them? What will their lives look like now? Will they turn bitter towards God? Why would they not?

What is my role as a Christian? How can I come along side these people? Could I as a Christian have made a difference in her family's life?

Its hard to know Gods ways and purposes sometimes, but I guess that is where faith has to play its part. He has the bigger picture, but how could a death be part of something good or a bigger picture? Perhaps he will use it to reach someone. We don't know. We are left with trusting him and we could place our trust in a lot more fleeting things, like booze, sex, careers and whatever. We have a bible full of proof that God is all powerful and in the end will reign, if only we will believe we will reign with him in eternity.

In the meantime we are stuck in a world where pain exists because of mans simple choice back in Genisis

Don't give up on God!!!

I'll See You Again Lyrics Westlife

Chris Tomlin - Lord, I Need You

Lord you have spared my wife and I multiple times, I cant explain why when I see others less fortunate. Help us Lord to be a good steward of what you have given us. Thanks you for the infirmity's we have that remind us daily where to place our faith precious saviour.

I Surrender - Hillsong Live

it matters more where u r going then where uv been

Does it or doesn't it matter more where you are going then where you have been?
As I reflect back on my life, when I get caught up with thinking too much about where I have been I get stuck in a rut. Typically its because most of that reflection is on challenging rather than joyous experiences. Perhaps more of us are like that, rather than think of the good times we spin and spin over the hard ones, at least that is how I am.
Ideally I would learn from the challenging past, my missteps, and focus on the future.
Hockey goalies, baseball ball pictures and golfers are among athletes that must have a short memory when it comes to dwelling on an allowed goal, bad pitch or poor golf shot. They have to focus on the next play, perhaps they make an adjustment based on the misplay, but the goods ones are able to leave the past behind them.
So for me the question is how can I do this in life, how can I be mentally stronger and more focused on the next play, on today's opportunities rather than yesterdays mishaps?
Did Peter dwell on disowning Jesus, no he learned from it and became a great ambassador?
Did Paul dwell on his past, on all he had persecuted, no he believed in his forgiveness and was an unbelievable force for Jesus?
So why am I so mentally weak, why cant I accept and believe in the forgiveness offered me daily, why can't I enjoy the freedom that grace should give me? Why is Satan so successful at immobilising me? Is it because I choose to dwell on the past, is it because I allow him to be victorious, is it because dwelling on the tuff stuff is easier than thinking positive?

Recently a friend came up to me at church and asked how I am doing and whether or not keeping a positive frame of mind is easy.

No its not, but its not fun letting the devil have a feast on me either. Its time for me to focus on tomorrow, and make the most of it with the learnings of the past in my tool belt.

Its a process, it takes time to get up after being way down! Its

" You Raise Me Up" Celtic Woman

Kim Walker - Break Every Chain

All i need is You " Kim Walker Jesus Culture

Because He Lives

Meaningless under the sun.......

If King Solomon figured out that accumulating earthly treasures is meaningless, than perhaps it is. This guy had it all from riches, to woman, to fame. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. That probably kept him outa trouble and happy right......that's not what he says.

Ecclesiastes 1:14

New International Version (NIV)

I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

The below link is an opinion on 10 things to remember.....

The Ten Most Important Things To Remember

Each of these can be supported biblicly. Actually all of it falls under one umbrella, "Love". What is life with out love, the love of a saviour, the love of family and loved ones and the love for these in return.

What is life without love and acceptance? Leonardo da Vinci's determined that “life without love, is no life at all”.

God gave his only son for our sins out of love and so that we could be family, Gods sons and daughters. He demonstrated love for us. What do I do out of love? Do I treat my wife with respect and love?
Ephesians 5:28

New International Version (NIV)

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Mark 12:28-30

New International Version (NIV)

The Greatest Commandment

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”
 

How will I demonstrate love today in a world desperately seeking it?

Love Song - Third Day (New)

Your Love Oh Lord (Psalm 36) - Third Day

Your Love Never Fails -Chris Quilala / Jesus Culture

What is Joy? Can I have it all of the time?

What is joy anyway? If it is supposed to be our strength what should it be founded in? Sometimes it seems so evasive, so hard to achieve. How do I experience joy?  Is it in winning a hockey game, seeing my kids succeed, securing a promotion, or is it deeper and bigger than that? Is it something I should have regardless of circumstance?

Life for me can get pretty routine and lack joy, how about you?

Websters online dictionary says joy is:
the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight
the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety

a state of happiness or felicity : bliss

a source or cause of delight

 

Is true joy something that will last behind an experience like seeing my kids succeed or is it temporary and fleeting and highly based on my experiences? What is my well being based on?

 

If I were to base joy in my life on my experiences, I would not be on a steady diet of joy. From what I can see joy is both found in our experiences, but also in the Lord and the latter is of the lasting kind. If we are to be able to rejoice always, than perhaps true and lasting joy is only in the Lord.

 

Psalm 118:24

New International Version (NIV)

The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad.

Nehemiah 8:10

New International Version (NIV)

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Psalm 21:1

New International Version (NIV) For the director of music. A psalm of David.

The king rejoices in your strength, Lord. How great is his joy in the victories you give!Thessalonians 5:16-18

New International Version (NIV)

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Hillsong: "Exceeding Joy"


 

 

Leaving a mark.....

In sport we are taught even when losing the game is obvious to at least leave a mark, give the opposition something to remember, something to think about.

In life we are asked to do our best, give are all.

For those of us who have chosen to accept God's free gift of salvation, we have pledged our life to him. Will I stand with my arms raised and spread before him and say here it is Lord, its yours, do with my life as you will, or will I keep a portion for myself? What will the attitude of my heart be?

What will I do for the sake of eternity? What will this player do? How will he leave his mark.......only by God's good graces can a mark be made through the sinner I am. Only he can make good of me.

Will I casually watch as people figuratively speaking walk off a cliff, or will I choose to make a difference? Will I allow my saviour to make a difference through me, simply using me as a vessel?

O God of mercy, thank-you for salvation and help each of us who have dedicated our life to you to choose to live for you, to choose to forgive, to choose to give are all to you.....I surrender all.

Lord I wanna leave a mark for your honour and glory.....I surrender all.

" We cry out " Kim Walker Jesus Culture

I Surrender - Kim Walker (Jesus Culture)

Jesus Culture-My Soul Longs For You

to watch someone you love die

I remember while growing up my dad would sometimes go and spend time with elderly or sick that were in their last days. Never did I think I would experience this at the ripe old age of 21, let alone with my own father.

Its a horrible, painful and draining experience to watch someone die, we as family watched while over an 8 month period my dad, whom we loved dearly was taken from us. His strength slowly dwindled, his breathing became very laboured due to cancer in his lungs. A very strong man had lost his strength, he was ever determined to fight on, but his body was steadily failing on him.

What I remember most is the laboured breathing, it was absolutely horrible to watch someone work that hard to do what we consider normal and take for granted. We felt so helpless, there was little we could do to ease his pain.

That is one of my prayers that my kids don't have to see me like that, especially at the age they are. Thankfully my cancer is not nearly as advanced at this point.

The doctors would later say that his lungs were like looking at a blizzard. They were caput, completely damaged.

I can only imagine how it must feel to watch the world bustling around you, people living their dreams when you know that you are very ill and will likely die soon.

On December 26, 1992 after a few days of hospitalisation to provide dad with some sort of comfort, he passed. He had slipped into a coma that day.

During that last hospital stay I can remember him requesting that my younger siblings and I come to his bedside. By the time we got there he had lost his thoughts, no one knows what he intended to say. Was it some life direction? I have often wondered.

On December 26 I was with dad, along with 2 fine men, one was a good friend of dads and the other was my grandfather. They were buddies, 3 men of a similar mindset. Three great men!

I remember holding dad's hand and praying, praying for some sign that he had heard me. There was no response. He had been in a coma all day. At aprox. 11:30pm he breathed his last. He quietly slipped away. My grandfather immediately jumped up and said lets give thanks. Wow, that was weird, but I would soon understand how difficult it had been for him to watch a loved one endure such pain. He explained that he had lost 2 brothers at a young age, but that this was much, much harder. This was his son in law, still a young man at 54. They loved each other, perhaps like David and Johathon. Grandpa also knew that he would see dad again. We thanked God that Dad did not have to endure more pain and suffering and that he was now rejoicing in heaven.

A nurse came in and offered that I could have a few minutes. She was flabbergasted when I said no, I am ok to leave. Likely I was numb, I don't know, but I did call the family to notify them and then drove grandpa home.

It will be 20 years ago now at Christmas/Boxing day 2012. What was and is to be a joyous time of year and full of celebration was full of anguish.

Tears come easily as I remember all the times with my dad. I long to see him again, happy and free of the pain he endured here. I love him and miss him dearly. Perhaps he would be a steadying hand on my life, one that I have often needed.

My heart goes out to all who dearly miss a loved one.


I'll See You Again Lyrics Westlife

Gaither Homecoming - When the Roll is called up yonder

Dolly Parton, In the Sweet By and By

When the roll is called up yonder

SCARS, my journey by Elizabeth Ruppert

How does one deal with multiple close calls, I mean close encounters with death. This is my story "SCARS", both the emotional and physical type. We all have scars, I pray that my story can be of help to you no matter where you are at on your journey. There is a God that cares for and loves you.

Where is God, does he care, why did he allow me to experience illness and suffering? What is his plan? What does he want from me? How long has it taken me to recover emotionally? The past several years of my life seem like a narrow and windy road travelled with sharp, sharp turns and steep, steep hills.  After facing death multiple times many would question my sanity for still believing that there is a God who loves me and cares for me. I have experienced some dark, dark times and know that he has travelled this windy road with me, often carrying me. His love for me is without question. My hope is in him.

 

I met my husband in November 1998 when I was 33 years old and we got married November 1999. Fast eh? I guess when you are a little older you have a better idea of what you are looking for. We were happy in our home, in a small quiet town. You could say life was going well for us. In 2003 after having a miscarriage in 2001 that left us crying out to God for his plan for us and being told that we would likely never conceive, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Seventeen months later I gave birth to a sweet baby girl. Everything seemed to be going well, I even felt well, but like my first birthing experience, my body did not heal fast. I am not a fast healer, which in itself is ironic considering the rapid healing I would soon experience. One day when our daughter was just 8 weeks old I developed flu like symptoms. Over a 3 day period this progressed to vomiting and diarrhea along with a sore red spot on my left leg and a high fever. At the time I felt concerned that I had a blood clot, but nothing more serious crossed my mind. I called telehealth the next morning (my 40^th birthday) and they told me to get to the hospital quickly. So I did and on the way there I prayed to God that there wouldn’t be a line up and there wasn’t, in fact I was in a room within 20 minutes, one of many ways we knew God was watching over us. This is when my life changed drastically. I remember the doctor coming in and while my husband was down the hall getting a drink, telling me he would have to cut my leg open on both sides to get the infection out and that he would have to leave the wound open for months. Why did he have to tell me this when I was alone, why couldn't he wait until my husband returned? How crude! I couldn't handle this news by myself. I remember feeling ripped off, why me, I had just experienced such joy, why did I have to experience this infection. I was very worried. I love the outdoors and the beach, would I be able to wear a bikini anymore…if only it were that simple. I realise now how much greater my concern should have been. I am glad though that the doctors only told me the basics or I would have been more of a mess. I was so dehydrated and glared at my husband each time he went for water as we waited for the surgery, the nurse kindly slipped me some ice and a lemon sponge. My husband cornered the doctor in the hallway and asked him point blank if I had flesh-eating disease. The doctor explained that he was in a hurry and did not have time for questions, but finally responded with a yes. If only the story ended there. It is at this point that I started what has become gap in my life, where I have to rely on others to tell fill me in on the scary journey I would embark on.

The next morning I was septic and went into cardiac arrest. God’s hand in this was obvious as He made sure that the doctors (the right doctors) were there by my side doing rounds…it took them an hour to fully resuscitate me. Following my admission, they had me in a drug induced coma for 4 weeks and during much of that period of time they didn’t know whether I would survive, in fact, they were doubtful, as they had detected that I had the worst kind of flesh-eating disease that there is…they also didn’t know how I would be mentally or physically…I easily could have been a vegetable. The mortality rate for this disease is 80-90%. God had other plans and after 9 surgeries to rid me of the disease and a lot of up and down days they decided I could move out of ICU and took me out of the coma. I was gradually taken off of every kind of machinery you can think of from pace-maker, to life support, to kidney dialysis, to tracheotomy, to feeding tube, I was then moved to another floor of the hospital. All this time my husband slept on a cot in a little closet of a room and he spent hours and hours with me holding my hand, rubbing my feet, and praying for me. The kids were well taken care of as well…my mother-in-law, sister and brother -in-law and their two kids moved into our home for the duration of my hospital stay. They took pictures and journelled as well as videotaped the kids regularly…I still cry whenever I think of the confusion it must have caused them, but I’m very grateful to my in-laws for uprooting their lives to take care of my kids. The feelings I have on this time are based what people tell me, not of what I experienced.

So as I slowly came to they discovered that I was of a sound mind the only issue remaining from the cardiac arrest was that my vision was doubling. Miraculously I survived this illness and all of my organs began working on their own again. After 8 weeks of hospital life they were going to transfer me to a local hospital geared towards the recovery of stroke victims which my husband felt would cause a setback for me and we asked the doctor if I could go home on a few day passes to see how I managed. I managed great, I could barely walk given my leg was basically straight, so my husband arranged for me to have a walker at home. After that test we talked to the doctor about perhaps going to a local physiotherapy clinic (which happened to be one that his office was affiliated with) and the therapist I suggested was a very successful therapist. So he let me go home also noting the incredible support I had from family and friends. Over the last 4 to 5 weeks of my hospital stay I was aware, but not really, I had still not grasped how close I had been to death. People ask me about this hospital experience and I how I felt, expecting that I would have a great deal of emotion, however I had little emotional connection, I had been traumatised and it would take me three years to reconnect with my feelings. I have feelings related to how awful this must have been for those close to me, but I have few personal experience feelings because of the severe emotional trauma I had experienced and because of the drug induced coma. I remember vague portions of conversation I had with people, but nothing detailed. I was and would be very robotic for some time.

Three years later after gruelling pain at physio and exercising at home 3 times a day I was able to bend my knee to full flexibility with some help. I had to take two percocet prior to going to physio which I went to 3 times per week for a long time to which I often left feeling a sense of accomplishment. To give you an idea of how much progress I made…when I started physio I was only able to bend my knee 35 degrees and by the end I was at 140 degrees. I had to endure the pain of the physiotherapist tearing through scar tissue. It only came out 3 years after starting that he actually had embellished about how far I was bending my knee to encourage me not to give up.. I slowly progressed from a walker/wheelchair, to a cane, to nothing…oh, how I remember those long slow walks around the block…then I went around twice. Not to mention how long it took me to be able to walk up and down the stairs. My goal had been to walk without a limp and I was successful, but oh the energy it took. I remember many a day I felt like giving up, it was all I could do to continue. Also, in with these struggles were adjusting to my vision impairment…which also slowly corrected itself over time…it’s still not perfect but the fact that I can drive is a miracle from God especially since the Ophthalmologist said to my Gynecologist that I would likely never drive again. Due to the fact that I had such severe damage to my optic nerve head while I arrested.. one of the most frustrating things about my vision loss is that I don’t recognise people, I tell people that if I don’t wave or smile at them when I see them, I’m not being rude, I just don’t recognise them. I’m still not sure if there was perhaps some brain damage done to the part of your brain that holds memory…oh well it could be a lot worse.

After 3 years it was like a light went off and the emotional fog I was in was lifting. The robotic and mechanical feelings were leaving. I was finally able to small talk with people again, this after 3 whole years!!! Expression and feeling were returning. Instead of just going through the motions and doing what people wanted me to do, or what I thought was expected of me, I was starting to feel like me again. I had ideas too. I could express myself. During this time I got through the lows, really by the support of my husband and his encouragement to be the best I could be after this disease had taken so much from me and our family. He pushed me hard. I don’t recall being bitter or angry at God. Reconnecting with my kids because of my emotional state was very challenging because of my lack of emotion and care. I had a strong will to recover physically but did not realise my emotional state and how it impacted my family. They were on their own to some degree.


Four years went by and I thought I was home free. Besides my family doctor said the chances of me getting flesh-eating disease again were one in a million. But on July 26^th 2009 I wasn’t feeling well, my body suddenly started aching and I developed the chills. The morning of the 27^th I nervously went to emergency and while travelling there I prayed to God that there wouldn’t be a line up and prayers were answered yet again…also with a quick look at my history I was seen by a doctor in no time. We got the news again that I was septic, cause unknown at that point. This time they saw a pocket of fluid in my abdomen so they opened me up again only to detect that it was a false alarm, in fact, I had strep pneumonia another fatal outcome was expected. However, again, God had other plans for me and after 2 ½ weeks (2 weeks in ICU) I was released. Back to learning how to walk again as I had been bed ridden for 2 weeks. I have to tell you about the hallucinations in ICU as well…they were awful! Absolutely real and very, very scary…to this day I can vividly remember them and can’t tell if they were real or not. My husband assures me that they were not real. The surgery was not a waste of time as they discovered that my spleen was shrivelled up…which is why I got so sick again. The spleen is critical to the immune system, it cleanses you from bacteria. To top it all off I ended up with a bad case of shingles..ouch…and itchy. To this day I have no feeling in the area where they were.

As a result of the discovery of my spleen, I underwent several blood tests and booster shots to get me as healthy and protected as possible. More good news came out of these tests…they determined that my body is holding onto antibodies which means I don’t have to give myself a needle every month for the rest of my life. It was also determined that my best defence against getting sick again was to carry some antibiotics in my purse along with a letter from my family doctor outlining exactly what to do with me so that they don’t even need to think.

Another year and a bit went by and I ended up with chills again…this time no aching and sinutab seemed to help, however, my heart was beating at 140 beats per minute (normal is between 60 and 80). Once again I headed to emergency…I drove myself this time as I didn’t know how serious this was. I was terrified that I was going to end up in ICU again and experience the hallucinations. Thankfully, I was only admitted to emergency for three nights with pneumonia and a sinus infection. It wasn’t the worse place to be despite the uncomfortable bed, as I had a private room with a door on it and my own bathroom. They kept me there for a third night just to make sure I was responding to the oral antibiotics.

A month later I woke up in the middle of the night with severe pain in my stomach, I managed to endure it until the morning at which time we headed to emergency again. Several hours later I was told that I had twisted bowel likely due to my last surgery as the bowels can get caught up in the adhesions…you can imagine how upset I was when I figured out that I was going to be in the hospital over Christmas…especially when I had two young kids at home. God was in control as I was miraculously released on Christmas day only 2 ½ days after having major surgery…normally patients stay for 6 days after this type of surgery. Not only that, I was able to travel to Pittsburgh to celebrate my husband’s 40^th birthday only 2 weeks post op…praise the Lord!

Through all of this I have learned that God is in control and He has a plan for my life, only He knows the outcome and His timing is perfect. I am very grateful to know such a loving God and to have such a loving, caring and supportive husband, family, and friends. I truly couldn’t have gotten through this without them. I have been blessed to hear this verse from God, Psalm 23 ‘even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, your rod and staff they comfort me’.

It is through God’s grace that I’ve been saved so many times and His strength that shone through my husband…whom I am forever grateful to…he is my rock. As well as all of my family and friends, the support I received from them and my church family was overwhelming. To this day I feel forever indebted.

 

prayers, r they answered?

Are my prayers answered? What can I pray about? I believe that in my latest lesson in life that God is teaching me to lean on him in even a greater way and to bring even the daily and routine items to him.

This could be any thing from praying for my beautiful family's day and what they will all encounter to praying for loved ones enduring tuff stuff.

I remember an experience I had in the hospital that I firmly believe was an answer to prayer. It was for a young man who had been admitted for something routine. It went horribly bad and I mean really really bad. He ended up in ICU for months and was their in 2009 when my wife was hospitalised. I remember praying that this young man would be spared so he could have one more chance to receive Jesus as his personal saviour. Miraculously he was spared and I bumped into his father about a year later at the same hospital. They were there for follow-up.

God answers prayer, not always to our liking and not always the way we want, but he always answers, always!

If we align ourselves with his purpose...........we can understand the anwers better.

Have a listen to what this fella has to say (below link).......the message is short and bang on. In our day and age we have lost perspective, we live for ourselves, I pray selfishly, but God wants me to pray with his goals in mind.

John Piper - Prayer: Ask God for anything

Casting Crowns - Prayer For A Friend

Part 22 - My little lady's health journey continued...

In the latter part of 2006 and into 2007 our family continued to try and find its stride. It's a real challenge to deal with health and life at the same time. My girl was continuing her physio 2 days per week and return to overall wellness. I went back to work, tried to prove my worth and by November 2006 was the only project Manager remaining of the 3 of us. I was proud   that despite everything they had chosen to keep me out of the 3, one was laid off in the spring and the other in the fall. I was let down though later that year when my direct boss and the acting president felt I deserved to earn what I had before my time off for my wife's illness, only to find out that the owner would not approve it.

By mid 2007 I had hit a wall, looking back, it had all finally caught up to me. I felt anxious, my skin was crawling and that is when I started on anti-depressants, started seeing a counsellor and took up running. They all helped, but looking back, they were only a band aid, none of it got to the root of my issues.

I needed help to regain my confidence, to not be so ever sensitive and reactive. I had been wounded by what my poor lady had endured.

One challenge has been feeling free to express myself while at the same time not making her feel guilty. We needed to look at the experience as something out of our control that we both experienced differently and that we could have victory over. That's a work in progress to this day. Other challenges have sometimes prevented us from addressing our well being, they have become the focus and we have been put back into survival mode.

Life was going well, by 2008 my wife had completed physio, was doing well and had recovered emotionally. It took 3 long lonely years though. I was promoted to the management level at work and had been asked to be a deacon at church. This was good right?

Certainly we were very happy about my wife's health, things seemed to be going alright. We did experience the sudden passing of a nephew which was very hard and then in the summer of 2009 my poor girl would come down with another horrific bacterial infection (strep pneumonia). There were no warnings other than flu like symptoms (again) that escalated. Why, why, why? We went to the hospital and she was quickly admitted by a very similar cast of characters to the first time. She was in hospital for 2 1/2 weeks and again the doctors didn't offer much hope. They opened her up to try and find an infection, which they never did. They did discover though that her spleen was not fully functional and was probably why she was not able to fight things off. It had been damaged by the 2005 experience. During the stay she contracted shingles, a very very painful thing. She also was greatly bothered by hallucinations she could not shake, they are still very real to her. These were a result of being on heavy medication.

Yet again God saw her through. By this time I was an elder at church. This was a tough job, where you suddenly are exposed to everyone's garbage and also have to be a critic to some degree of the staff. I am a sensitive guy and found it to be very difficult, at the same time I was dealing with my wife's health stress's and what I thought was an ageing and aching body. My own.

In the fall of 2010 we experienced a close call accident that caused $14K damage to our van and my poor girl was hospitalised 2 more times, firstly for another bacterial infection, this after  taking all the precautions, vaccinations etc. Secondly she came down with a twisted bowel at Christmas, very very painful. Where was God, why, why, why, us?

In 2011, I resigned from my elder duty, changed jobs to a less demanding role all in the hopes of finding balance. Life had become draining with illness's, kids, work, church all taking there portion out of me. We had a great summer of camping only to find out in the fall that I had cancer. The aches that I had been feeling or at least a portion of them were due to enlarged lymph nodes putting pressure on my structure.

By this time life's events had left me drained and exhausted. I limped along until I crashed and had to face the fact that I needed help. I needed to recover emotionally. No longer could I put my head down and plow through things.

This is where I am today, in the emotional healing process. Everyone is affected differently by life. The events I have shared have left me with a strong faith, great relationships with my wife and kids, but with little confidence in myself, hyper sensitivity, anxiety and some depression.

I am confident that regardless of how long I live that God will prevail and that he will meet my needs.

In the near future my lovely wife will share her experience.

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold

Kari Jobe - The More I Seek You

Healer | Kari Jobe

PartC-Scotts emails re wifes 2nd brush w/death on09

From: Scott Ruppert
Sent: Mon 10/08/2009 9:30 PM
Subject: RE: RE: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Good evening,

Another day in our lives has almost passed. Eliz was moved from acute care on flr 5 to regular care on flr 5. This is good, a sign of progress. This morning they removed a drainage bag and did a precautionary ultrasound for blood clots. The ultrasound came back negative. My girl has been walking and at one point today was free of all apparatuses. Tonight she was back on antibiotics by intervenes. This is not because things worsened, just simply part of the plan. She is still on antibiotics for shingles. Her mood is good, but we would appreciate prayer as we are all (kids too) weary. We feel very blessed to have experienced God's healing and continue to desire to be good stewards no matter what lay ahead. We would also appreciate prayer for the timely administration of vaccinations and various specialist visits (nose, throat and mouth, immune system, infectious disease) that my girl will require.

You have all been so kind and we continue to rest in the palm of God's hand knowing that we are part of the bigger picture. It has been great to experience each part of the body (family of God) at work.

Re; visiting

Since Eliz has shingles and they are contagious, we completely understand a hesitation to visit. That being said the medical staff is allowing visitation. You simply have to gown up before you enter the room and then put lots of shmutz (sanitizer) on before entering and when exiting. Her rm is 5DS8 (floor 5, wing D south rm 8). Visiting hrs in this wing are 1pm to 8:30 pm. The mornings are long for her. She has a phone and can be reached by dialling (519) 742-3611, when prompted say patient information and then ask the operator to put you thru to Elizabeth Ruppert.

Have a good evening,

Scott

From: Scott Ruppert

Sent: Tue 11/08/2009 9:11 PM
Subject: RE: RE: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Hi friends,

It has been an eventful day. After we worked our way thru some miscommunications that had left us with the impression that there was a bump in the road this morning, it now looks like Eliz may be released from hospital tomorrow. We are so grateful for all your prayers and acts of kindness and would appreciate your continued prayers as Eliz recovers, mom adjusts to not having the kids, we find normal and the medical minds try to figure out how to keep this from happening again.

We are in God's hands. To him be the honour and Glory,

From Scott, Elizabeth, Colson & Kamryn

From: Scott Ruppert
Sent: August 12, 2009 10:02 PM
Subject: RE: RE: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Good evening all,

Elizabeth was discharged from the hospital this afternoon and is very happy to be home, in her own bed and away from the hospital sounds and smells. She will continue her recovery here which will include several specialist visits to try and get to the bottom of why she responds so drastically to infection. We value your continued prayers and appreciate all your acts of kindness. God has chosen to bless us in this way and we continue to desire that it would be to his honour and glory. I am always reminded that we deserve no better than hell. It puts things into perspective. God is great. May we be good stewards of all situations we find ourselves in.

Thanks so much and we will keep in touch, but not so regularly

From: Scott Ruppert
Sent: August 20, 2009 8:31 PM
Subject: RE: RE: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Hi friends,

It’s hard to believe that over a week has passed since Eliz’s hospital release, but here we are at home adjusting and finding our normal, hard to know what that is sometimes though. The kids came home with us last week, prior to that they were at my Mom’s. They are adjusting well and have been giving Eliz her space. Both kids have shown their emotion over their separation from their mom in their own ways. They have been a very bright spot in our days as they show their support to mommy with their gentle touch’s, questions and prayers. I took off from work the latter part of last week. My gracious employer’s support has been a real blessing. This week I am working early mornings at home and then in the office till 2ish at which time I come home & spell whichever mom is helping at our house that day. The mom’s have been very helpful once again. Eliz’s main struggles over the last week have been with the shingles she started experiencing Aug 1. They are extremely painful, very hot and prickly so that has limited her desire to be up and around. She sees a nurse multiple times a week for her stomach area incision which is healing nicely but is still tender. Nether of us feel angry or bitter, just scared and still like we are having a bad dream. Since her release she has experienced chills and a mild fever off and on. This is not abnormal for a body that has gone thru as much as hers has but you can imagine the anxiety when you know these are the early signs you have experienced that eventually led to 2 previous major bacterial infections. We rest in the fact that we have a God who loves us, we are part of his plan and we know that he is all powerful. We are given to him in whatever lay ahead and desire that our lives will be lived for his honor and glory. This of course is only possible when we are given to him and allow him to live thru us. God is so gracious and we have certainly been blessed to experience him in so many ways. When we consider how our fellow believers have come around us and assisted in so many different ways such as Tim’s certificates., monetary gifts, meals, prayers, talks, emailed notes, cards, flowers, lawn mowing, etc., we are reminded of what a privilege it is to be part of the family. It truly is beautiful when believers unite to serve Christ with their unique giftedness. We are so grateful to all of you and would appreciate your continued prayers for:

That we would be good stewards of the situations we find ourselves in

Elizabeth’s recovery

Aug 24 family doc app to determine appropriate vaccinations for Elizabeth

Sept 1 wk appointments for incision review and ear, nose throat. The latter is an app to determine if there is an abnormal location within her ear, nose throat area that bacteria can settle in and release

Nov 10 immune system app

Our state of mind

Kids, as our son will start grade one and daughter will start JK

Thanks again friends, praising God for all his wondrous works

The Rupperts

From: Scott Ruppert
Sent: September 8, 2009 8:25 AM
Subject: RE: RE: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Good day all,

Your prayers have been so appreciated during Elizabeth’s recent illness and recovery. We want to keep you updated on our journey. Elizabeth’s health has been steadily improving to the point that she has been out and about a bit doing school prep. shopping etc. These excursions are short since she still is quite weak, her incision is still healing and the shingles still linger. She was to see an immune system specialist in November. God moved that up to last week so we ended up having 2 appointments last Thursday.

The first was to see an ear nose throat specialist. She did a throat swab for strep and unless it is positive will not see us again till Dec 2 at which time she will do another. If the 1st is positive she will see us sooner and the tonsils will likely be removed, otherwise it is Eliz’s option. The thinking here is that the tonsil location is an area where strep can reside and removing them would be one less option for the bacteria.

The second was to see the immune system specialist. He had the following to say regarding her experiences with strep A and strep Pneumo:
Re vaccinations; will refer her to St Mikes for an app. this Friday at which time they will conduct the req’d tests, do the vaccinations, etc. Another app will be reqd to do follow up tests. That will determine whether or not monthly infusions of antibody are reqd.
Spleen; likely root reason for last sepsis
Precautions; teeters (immune) testing
Risk to kids; suggested ultra sounds to confirm size of spleen
Removing tonsils; not necessary unless swab shows strep or Eliz is strep carrier
Re tooth ache that has been at root of all this; he recommended she revisit her dentist but after Toronto visit. He did not encourage antibiotics prior to dentist visits

We are so grateful for God’s hand at work as we can see it with things like appointments being moved up, God sustaining us, etc. We look forward to what God continues to teach us thru this. We have our down moments but God is good. On Sunday Elizabeth prayed that if God was with her that the song Amazing Grace would be part of the worship service. It was! God is so good, he knows our every need, when we are weak, he is strong. Amazing Grace and the song I Will Never Be The Same Again are 2 songs that are very precious to us as they were part of a group of songs during our 1st worship service attended after Elizabeth’s illness in 2005.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding

We look forward to what God has and will teach us as we are his vessels.

God Bless,

Scott, Elizabeth, Colson & Kamryn

Sent: Tuesday, November 24, 2009 6:56 PM

Subject: RE: RE: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Hello everyone,

It’s been a while since we provided an update on Elizabeth’s health.

Since September;

In October her incision healed up. This took time because they re-opened it in August to confirm that a bubble they saw was not bacteria. They then let it heal on its own rather than staple it.

We took 2 trips to Toronto’s St Mikes hospital to have an immunologist review Elizabeth’s health. On the second visit he confirmed that her antibody levels are stable but that her spleen does not absorb bacteria. This means she can fight off the common cold or flu, but is susceptible to bacteria. She is what they call immune compromised. To prevent bacteria from rearing it’s ugly head she needs to and has had the appropriate vaccinations including H1N1. Cleanliness is also a high priority.

Eliz is waiting to see a blood specialist to see what they might suggest (the spleen is a blood organ)

In December she has another ear, nose, throat appointment to confirm whether or not bacteria is settling in any of those areas

Just today we received great, great news concerning her vision, she can continue driving (vision was impacted by septic shock in 2005), she thought it had worsened since this summer’s episode , but it has not

All things considered Elizabeth is feeling well, she feels like she has her energy back and is doing normal everyday activities again.

God has truly blessed us with learning’s from these experiences and He continues to be our strength. We are all doing well, are so grateful to God and to each of you for your love and support.

Thanks so much and I truly hope that this is the last email I need to distribute regarding my wife's health.

Regards, Scott Ruppert

PartA-Scotts emails re wifes 2nd brush w/death in09

Sent: Mon Jul 27 15:08:52 2009
Subject: Direct reports from Scott

Hi everyone,
This is a note from Scott. He has a blackberry and will keep us up to date directly. Please inform your families. Our prayers are very much appreciated. Aunt J

Hi brothers and sisters. I am very sorry to inform you that Elizabeth has Streptocaccaus pneumonia. It is in the same family as what she had in 2005 but is NOT flesh eating disease. It is however a very aggressive bacterial infection that is attacking her blood. She has been given excellent care and will be put on zigrus, which is a bacterial fighting drug. The next 24hrs are critical. Her situation is life threatening but they remain very optimistic. They feel she contracted this due to her spleen being damaged in 2005, but only knew of the spleen issue yesterday. The spleen is an immune system mechanism.

Scott

Sent: Tue Jul 28 07:42:33 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott

Morning all
Elizabeth had a good night. The medical staff is pleased with her blood work, kidneys etc. They will continue to monitor her in ICU and do hourly blood work. We are in Gods hands desiring his name be honoured with whatever lay ahead.

Thanks for your prayers

Sent: Wed Jul 29 03:17:29 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott

Hi all,

Its update time

Yesterday (Tuesday) was a good day followed with a bump in the road in the evening, which continued into the early morning hrs of today (Wednesday). Eliz's progress had been such that they removed her from the breathing device (she was not using much anyway), she drank for the 1st time since Sunday and she saw the kids. However the progress was too fast too soon. Around 2am July 29 they elected to put her back on the breathing machine, it was thought they should be proactive rather than reactive with this. Her lungs were too full of fluid making it a tough go breathing on her own. This is due to all the fluids given her. Also prelim. results of a precautionary cat scan taken to rule out meningitis showed no signs.
All things considered the doctor is pleased with progress made to date.

Praising God in all things and desiring what will honor God most

Love Scott

Sent: Wed Jul 29 14:06:19 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott

Elizabeths health has taken a down turn, she is on breathing and blood pressure life support.

Trusting God,

Scott

Sent: Wed Jul 29 21:06:43 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Hi all

Early this am it was thought that Eliz needed more time for lung fluid to drain before she can again try breathing on her own. However her blood pressure also dropped causing the medical staff to revisit her to see if there was overlooked infection. Of the catscans, heart and lung tests completed today only the lung test showed anything abnormal. Test results should come back tomorrow to confirm what the abnormality is (may be a lung infection or simply fluid). After they consulted other medical experts the consensus reached is to stay the course with current pain meds, blood pressure meds, etc. She is heavily sedated, is resting well, kidneys are working well to off load retained fluid and they introduced food (thru belly tube) so that she can gain strength. They will likely try reducing the sedation tonight to see how she responds.


She is in ICU where things can change rapidly.....we hope for better hrs and days ahead. Today's bump in the road may simply be that things were rushed more than she was ready for????

Thanks for your love and prayers...I am going to get some sleep

PartB-Scotts emails re wifes 2nd brush w/death on09

Sent: Thu Jul 30 07:11:30 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Morning all and those new to this email chain. Pls fwd this as you feel is appropriate for communication, prayer chains etc. We really value your support.

We praise God for his blessings and teachings

Eliz had a stable night. She is off blood pressure meds, is breathing some on her own, white cell count is lowering, sedation has been reduced and she is alert. Plan for today is to rid her of extra fluid she is retaining and possibly to lesson breathing assistance. This is all great.

Praise God always and in all things,

Scott

Sent: Thu Jul 30 21:19:19 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends
Hello
Pls fwd this as you feel is appropriate for communication, prayer chains etc. We really value your support.

We praise God for his blessings and teachings

Today has been a quiet day with the current plan being for Elizabeths vitals, blood work etc to dictate the timing of the next steps. They are trying to balance medication for pain and sedation with reducing her reliance on breathing and blood pressure (back on) support. She has been in and out of alertness (mostly out). The good of this sedated state is it is allowing time for her body to rest and recover (blood work has improved) before they speed up the recovery by trying such things as breathing on her own.

Btw, the coffee and service at the hospitals Tim's is way better than in good ol Elmira. Thanks for your prayers and support as we together increase in our faith.

I will provide the next update after my 6:15 morning visit

From your team mate Scott

Sent: Fri Jul 31 07:02:01 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Morning friends
Pls fwd this as you feel is appropriate for communication, prayer chains etc. We really value your support.

We praise God that he is in control

Not much has changed. Eliz white count is slowly improving. She has a slight fever and continues to be on and off sedation and blood pressure meds. She does respond but for the most part she is sedated.

Praising God always

Scott

Sent: Fri Jul 31 13:00:43 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Praise and prayer

The doctors have stopped Eliz sedation meds to see how she responds

Sent: Fri Jul 31 20:06:23 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Good Evening

Taking Eliz off sedation proved she is not quite ready for that. Balancing her blood pressure, heart rate and breathing with reducing her meds is a challenge since each adjustment can set off a domino affect. Overall her vitals are improving slowly. She is still needing some breathing assistance but less than yesterday. Her sedation is being kept to a minimal and she still requires pain med.

Thanks for your support and may we all grow in our faith,

Scott
Sent: Sat Aug 01 11:30:42 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Lord, you are a merciful God who has richly blessed my family with experiences that allow us to see your power and to experience your plan. As Eliz lay in ICU showing small signs of improvement and as the doctors continue to mull over why she experienced septic shock on Sunday and again Tuesday we know that only you have the answers. Unlike them you don't need to do further testing which she will experience today so that the medics can evaluate whether or not there is an undetected infection source. You know all things. It is you we love and give ourselves to asking that whatever the outcome be, that it would be to your honor and glory. May you be our guide. I love you, Amen
Sent: Sun Aug 02 07:10:08 2009
Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends

Father we thank you for this day, that Elizabeth is stable (all things considered), that she is breathing some on her own, is alert and that the test results from yesterday are negative so far (won't be conclusive till 72hr is up). Mold us and make us I pray.

Amen

Subject: Re: Direct reports from Scott for Martin family and friends
Date: Mon, 3 Aug 2009 07:12:43 -0400

As of Sunday Aug 2

Somewhere along the way I should have learnt how to read lips. My special girl has been alert today, can mouth words but can't talk because of the tubes going down her throat. ICU is awaiting test results on several tests taken (will take up to 72 hrs). These tests are to confirm if there is still infection in some form. She does have pneumonia and is being treated for it. Today she is breathing mostly on her own with the assistance still connected as a backup.

Monday Aug 3 at 7am
I just completed my before shift change visit. Eliz had an ok night. She still has a lot of junk in her lungs. Praise God that the fever is less, that Saturdays culture was negative and that Sundays cultures have not grown yet. That's the scoop my friends.

May God continue to use this to his honour and Glory,

Scott

Gossip, what the heck is it?

Definition of Gossip (according to Webster)

a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others

 rumour or report of an intimate nature 
 

I have done it, but why? Do I do it out of curiosity? Sometimes I do it in the name of love? I share something and say, but I am praying for them. I may do it to try and get to the root of something.

 

I am ashamed at how much of my conversation would fall under the above definition, are you? How can we stop the gossip train, since we are all prone to it, perhaps we have to help each other out by cautioning each other when a non productive conversation starts. Perhaps prayer would help. Maybe the 1st few prayers would be uttered between clenched teeth:).

 

Its tough in a world that participates in it so much, to be different. Its very hard. Gossip is sold, it can be riveting?

 

The thing is it is downright hurtful. I have hurt others by it and been hurt by it. Just now I was going to give an example but then realised I would be gossiping.

 

What does the bible say about gossip?

 

Proverbs 11:13

New International Version (NIV)

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.

Proverbs 16:28

New International Version (NIV)

A perverse person stirs up conflict,  and a gossip separates close friends.

James 4:11

New International Version (NIV)

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.
Ephesians 4:29

New International Version (NIV)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

 

We are all looking for more time in a day, how much extra time would I have if I didn't gossip? How much better would things be for me if I only participated in productive conversations, ones that build each other up?

 

Thumper - If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all

Sidewalk Prophets - The Words I Would Say lyrics

 

 

You can run, but you can't hide

You can run, but you can't hide? You can run fast, but not get away from it. You can try different things to put a distance between you and it, but that doesn't always work.

 You can run, but you can't hide from "hurt". It will catch up to you at some point. This has been my experience anyway. It has come in the form of:
death, sickness, feeling bad for things said, not achieving goals set, dashed dreams, broken friendships, hurtful words, etc.

It nips at your heels and hounds you. Drugs can be prescribed to silence it, but just what can overcome it, what can get rid of the pain.

It's a process that can involve forgiveness, acceptance, mourning, love, compassion. The starting point is accepting God's free gift of salvation, something I did at 14. Like every friendship though, mine with God has needed to be nurtured. How do we nurture a relationship with someone we can't see? We talk to our God by praying, we listen by being sensitive to his holy spirit and we obey by the grace of God. We spend time with him by reading his word, studying and worshipping.

I fall down, many times I feel the guilt of not enjoying a full relationship with God. It's good that he forgives and is always there for me with open arms, ready and waiting to hear my sob stories and turn them into triumphs.

It's interesting to me that many successful people have had to endure incredible hardship or have come from humble beginnings before they experience joy.

Our humble beginning is to realise our need of a saviour and to accept His forgiveness. We can then rest in his arms when we are hurt and soar like eagles when our faith is restored. When saved, its the same cycle, we stumble, eventually turn back to him for support, rest in his arms and then soar like eagles.

I am in the resting in his arms stage............again!

Our God is a great God

Isaiah 40:31

New International Version (NIV)

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Sarah McLachlan and Josh Groban - In The Arms Of The Angel

Josh Groban - You Are Loved

Whats important? What is our purpose?

In our modern day have we lost perspective of what is important, family, friends, love, joy, peace, forbearance and kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (the fruits of the spirit)? Have we become like a large assembly line going through its robotic motions? Generally we work, have our kids in sports or other activities, sleep and do it all over again and again and try and fit in some nicety's where we can.

The world longs for peace, but what is being done to attain it? Should it not start with "Love", with teaching our little ones what is important, "Love"?

What is most important to me, the job I can't take with me, or the people who will remember me, who I will have a legacy with? What will my legacy be, one that is/was self centred or one of love, giving and servant hood? Sometimes I am embarrassed of what it could be if it were based on my less than stellar performances.

If it's the people in my life, then perhaps being in touch with what is important and that can nurture those friendships should be critical to me as opposed to the self centred career goals, etc. that I might have. Perhaps that is where most of my time should be spent?

School doesn't teach our kids love, joy, peace, forbearance and kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. It doesn't teach the life fundamentals, they teach career fundamentals. So how do our kids learn these important things if we birth them and send them off to day care and then school where people we mostly don't know have the largest impact on their lives? When do they learn what's important? When do we invest in them? When do we spend quality time with them to teach them the things that are important? If we say family is important, but are always shipping them off to different functions and are rarely home ourselves, what message are we sending them?

If we care for our investments, which should be thse close to us, what are we doing to grow those investments? It is possible that those investments are growing at even a lower rate than the current low rates on our monetary investments. Do I/you know and practise the basics, love, joy, peace, forbearance and kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? I fail many times, but that shouldn't stop me from trying!

Galatians 5:22-23a

New International Version (NIV)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Matthew 22:37-39

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’

Great songs by Holly and Toby, have a listen .............

"Don't Have Love" Holly Starr

TobyMac - Me Without You

 Love Song - Third Day




 

Could it be that we all mourn 100's of times in r lives

Could it be that we all mourn 100's of times in our lives. Is mourning for more than a death? Is mourning for the end of something, many things?

To mourn

  verb (used without object)

1. to feel or express sorrow or grief.

2. to grieve or lament for the dead.

3. to show the conventional or usual signs of sorrow over a person's death.

verb (used with object)

4. to feel or express sorrow or grief over (misfortune, loss, or anything regretted); deplore.

5. to grieve or lament over (the dead).

6. to utter in a sorrowful manner.

 

Items 1 & 4 would suggest that mourning isn't just something associated with death, but that we could mourn over many things.

In the bible Samuel mourns for Saul who is still living, but is to be replaced as King. He mourns the end of his King ship.

1 Samuel 16:1

NewInternational Version (NIV)

The Lord said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king.”

 

In modern times we may mourn the end of a marriage, relationship, friendship, career, health, what was, etc. Do we allow ourselves to mourn properly in this day and age, have I?  I certainly haven't wept as they did in the bible times.  David seemed to know how to mourn, he mourned the passing of Saul, his newborn son and his grown son.
 

2 Samuel 1:12

New International Version (NIV)

They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the Lord and for the nation of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.
2 Samuel 12:15-18

New International Version (NIV)

After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.
On the seventh day the child died.
2 Samuel 19:1

New International Version (NIV)

Joab was told, “The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” 

 

In our modern culture we have a fairly defined process for mourning a death, we have a short visitation period (sometimes awkward), the funeral and then we are required by life to get on with things. Its no wonder people have problems, there is no time for grief, life beckons us, we must go on. Mankind must work you know! Feelings arn't that important.
Its the same whether we are mourning a death or a loss. Life requires us to move on and fast. If we miss work we may lose our job or at least an opportunity for advancement. Perhaps we cant afford to miss work. Life requires us to suck our feelings up and get on with it. Doctors prescribe pills that provide temporary relief all in the name of "get on with it". We get on with it, all the while living in pain, most of the time keeping it a secret. We don't give near the attention to our inner self when it is injured as we do our outer self when it is injured.

 

Back in 2001 my wife and I experienced a miscarriage, it was a big deal, we wanted a child badly and we were older so time was not on our side. I remember my wise mother encouraging my wife to mourn however she needed, whether it be to be a funeral or whatever. It was a loss and loss to be mourned.

My wife has experienced multiple health setbacks affecting her vision, walking and emotions. Could it be that she should mourn the losses and even the lost dreams for her life? I think its normal. Scripture seems to support it.

My cancer and the setbacks my wife and I have experienced have impacted  our lives both positively and with challenges. Could it be that we should mourn the losses including the loss of what could have been, our dreams, etc.

It sounds to me like it should be normal to mourn the end of something. Do we take the time to do this? I know I didn't with my dad. I went back to work, mostly because I didn't know what else to do.

Do we know what mourning is in our modern world, do we know how to mourn?

Hallelujah! What A Savior - Ascend The Hill

From the Inside Out--Hillsong United

Because He lives I can face tomorrow

 

 

 

 

 

My 1 year anniversary - Let Go and Let God

Hard to believe that it’s been a year since I was diagnosed with cancer. Physically I feel alright. I am still acutely aware of any physical change, which can bring on worry. We would appreciate your prayers as I continue to look for emotional healing and go through the chemo treatments untul 2014. I continue to see a phyciatrist and have been working out again as well to release stress. These have helped, its a process, but God has been good and very patient as have my wife and our great kids.

Another change in our house this fall has been my special girl's decision to stop driving on the highway at night. With her limited vision it had become a challenge. This is another slice of independance taken from her and my heart aches for her as she expereinces changes such as this. She takes it all in stride though.

Something I read recently that is a great reminder to me as life feels so out of control at times "Let Go and Let God".

A while ago I was given a 4 step tool for communication and was reminded of it recently. The 4 steps are OFNR (O=observation, F=feelings, N=need and R=request).

For me the below describes how I have felt at different times over this past year as I reflect on my health and our experiences;

O is I feel beaten at times by life, am a shell of who I want to be, am easily defeated, am a perfectionist, expect too much, sometimes of self and others, dreams have been dashed

F for me is feelings of sadness, such as shame, disappointment, discouraged, hurt, lonely, tirednesssuch as burned out, exhausted, fatigued, indifferent, restless, worried such as guarded, anxious, scared, tense and suspicious and lastly madsuch as agitated, angry, bitter, disgusted, enraged, impatient and jealous

N for me is I need; accountability such as authenticity, honesty and sincerity, Integrationsuch as acceptance, clarity, community, compassion, empathy, support, respect and trust and to acknowledge endingssuch as accept limitations

R for me is, please continue to pray that my needs would be met, for emotional healing, that I would rely on Gods provisions and for peace of mind.

My good days are getting more frequent and the bad are getting less......God is good, God is Great. I love you Lord.

"Let Go and Let God".

AWESOME GOD

Because He lives I can face tomorrow