I remember while growing up my dad would sometimes go and spend time with elderly or sick that were in their last days. Never did I think I would experience this at the ripe old age of 21, let alone with my own father.
Its a horrible, painful and draining experience to watch someone die, we as family watched while over an 8 month period my dad, whom we loved dearly was taken from us. His strength slowly dwindled, his breathing became very laboured due to cancer in his lungs. A very strong man had lost his strength, he was ever determined to fight on, but his body was steadily failing on him.
What I remember most is the laboured breathing, it was absolutely horrible to watch someone work that hard to do what we consider normal and take for granted. We felt so helpless, there was little we could do to ease his pain.
That is one of my prayers that my kids don't have to see me like that, especially at the age they are. Thankfully my cancer is not nearly as advanced at this point.
The doctors would later say that his lungs were like looking at a blizzard. They were caput, completely damaged.
I can only imagine how it must feel to watch the world bustling around you, people living their dreams when you know that you are very ill and will likely die soon.
On December 26, 1992 after a few days of hospitalisation to provide dad with some sort of comfort, he passed. He had slipped into a coma that day.
During that last hospital stay I can remember him requesting that my younger siblings and I come to his bedside. By the time we got there he had lost his thoughts, no one knows what he intended to say. Was it some life direction? I have often wondered.
On December 26 I was with dad, along with 2 fine men, one was a good friend of dads and the other was my grandfather. They were buddies, 3 men of a similar mindset. Three great men!
I remember holding dad's hand and praying, praying for some sign that he had heard me. There was no response. He had been in a coma all day. At aprox. 11:30pm he breathed his last. He quietly slipped away. My grandfather immediately jumped up and said lets give thanks. Wow, that was weird, but I would soon understand how difficult it had been for him to watch a loved one endure such pain. He explained that he had lost 2 brothers at a young age, but that this was much, much harder. This was his son in law, still a young man at 54. They loved each other, perhaps like David and Johathon. Grandpa also knew that he would see dad again. We thanked God that Dad did not have to endure more pain and suffering and that he was now rejoicing in heaven.
A nurse came in and offered that I could have a few minutes. She was flabbergasted when I said no, I am ok to leave. Likely I was numb, I don't know, but I did call the family to notify them and then drove grandpa home.
It will be 20 years ago now at Christmas/Boxing day 2012. What was and is to be a joyous time of year and full of celebration was full of anguish.
Tears come easily as I remember all the times with my dad. I long to see him again, happy and free of the pain he endured here. I love him and miss him dearly. Perhaps he would be a steadying hand on my life, one that I have often needed.
My heart goes out to all who dearly miss a loved one.
I'll See You Again Lyrics Westlife
Gaither Homecoming - When the Roll is called up yonder
Dolly Parton, In the Sweet By and By
When the roll is called up yonder
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